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3月1日 Revenge is not GOOD After everything tragic happened to me.. i realize that revenge will not do me any good. Though i wasn't really thinking about getting any revenge but i know that what i have done and been planning to do can be also called REVENGE. I may have never felt happiness all the time but i know and i am aware that happiness is also a choice.. One person told me that everything happened in your life..its either GOOD or BAD..all of them depends on the choices you make. Though i have been really thinking negative things about my life, my love life and everything, i am aware that end of the day..i have to more optimistic to survive in this shitty life i am in right now. But ofcourse eventhough i have thinking positively recently, the fact that i am still struggling so much for something i can barely have is too much for me to take. For years, i have been struggling for a relationship with commitment but no assurance. Though, i have been assured in words, i realize that it isn't enough. Everything or anything is never enough when you somehow know that deep inside..everything will never falls to perfect thinking that sooner or later it will slowly fall, melted like an ice in the water. 2月27日 Truth HurtsI have known that the truth always hurts but i never expected that i will be hurt like this.I thought i've known the feeling of being hurt for i have been always experienced that but for the first time in my life..i felt such pain that i never felt before..such pain that makes your whole world darkened..such pain that makes your throat hurts..such pain that makes your stomach stumble..such pain that makes your heart go wild..such pain that makes your brain stops..yes! i have experienced that recently..It hurts when you found out that you are being lied BIG TIME! by the person you love the most. I felt like my whole world turns upside down. It hurt me so bad..i hardly can chew the food that i ate..i was in shock knowing the secret that he has been kept from me. I have no idea it would hurt me like this, i thought everything is ok, i thought i understand everything and anything when it comes to US but i cant, i just cant. I loved too much, i give my everything 100%, i believed in him, i trusted him with everything and anything..how i wished i didn't, how i wish i didn't know. It is hurting me so much and moving on doesn't make it go away..no matter how i tried to ignore it, the pain doesn't go away..even until now. I get to imagine so many things..even when i close my eyes..even when im about to sleep and it is getting worst every single day. I may seem look ok but i am not..my heart bleeds in every corner and can no longer hide..the more i hide it..the more it shows. It hurts and i dont think i can recover from it so soon, i dont think i can ever forget it. |
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